Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
