he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
