but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
