this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
