so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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