He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
