I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
