I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
