i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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