4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
