if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
