I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
