Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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