Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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