We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Mom said you looked used
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
