WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
