On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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