These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
