Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
