i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
