I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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