if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
