my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
