Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
