I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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