The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
