In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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