She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
