ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
