i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
