I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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