Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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