Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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