im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
