I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
