i think my tv is drunk
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
