There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
