whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my being single is dangerous.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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