Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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