oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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