Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You need a sexual gate keeper
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
