i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
