Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
