God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
