she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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