Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
