So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
