im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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