I faked an abortion last night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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