I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
