Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
