I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
