We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
