Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
