Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
