Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
